Last night I was so close to giving up on nearly all things in life save breathing. I read myself to sleep with Elliot's Slow and Certain Light; with that and my God singing over me as I slept, I awoke this morning greatly refreshed, renewed, and at peace.

I awoke with the thought, "where, Lord, is the great battle of today? When we look back at this day in history, where will the great battle(s) have been?" I thought of the attacks on biblical truth (open theism, universalism, Armenianism), I thought of frontier missions, I thought of the classroom and the courtroom, I thought of local church ministry, and I thought of the workplace as well. And though I do think that frontier missions has a higher place among these, there really is no hierarchy among the rest--except as it comes to influence, I suppose. And so influence would determine hierarchy. And so, the battle is raging all around us: everywhere we look there is opporunity to join if we will choose to do so. The 'front line' is anywhere the Kingdom of Heaven (which is in our hearts) confronts the kingdom of darkness; anywhere where a loyal subject of the High King is in contact with a loyal subject of the evil one. There the battle rages; but we do not war after the flesh: the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds; casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ: Truth in Love (they must not be, and really aren't, two, but one), prayer, witness. These are our weapons. (We can kill unbelief with our Words and our Love and our prayer and our witness: its in their unbelief that the devil's head peeks out of hiding, and in their unbelief that we must attack him and not them.)

And I thought further that there is no battle so fierce as the one that rages daily in my own mind, heart, and flesh. This is the first and most violent of the battlefields, where the cost of losing is perilously higher to me than anywhere else: for what shall it profit a man if he should gain the whole world, and yet lose his own soul? The reward for victory is also greatest here: for greater is he that rules his own soul than he that takes a city.

Thy Kingdom come; thy will be done: on earth as it is in heaven.

This morning I am humbled, peaceful, thankful, and seem to have somewhat of a re-opened line of communication with the High King. I prayed for more than a few short seconds: rejoice with me, for that which was lost has been found. The hill which I've rolled down is yet to be re-climbed, but this morning I feel as though I have taken the first step back up. Perhaps more importantly, that I can and (and because) he will.

Praise your name, LORD, that though [your] anger [endureth but] a moment; in his favour [is] life: weeping may endure for a night, but joy [cometh] in the morning and praise you that your mercies are new every morning, because your compassions fail not; great is thy faithfulness! You are my portion, says my soul, therefore I will hope in you! For you are good to those that wait for you; to the soul that seeks you. And so I will both hope and quietly wait for your salvation, O LORD. It is good. Lamentations 3:22f. May I know you again and anew as Jehovah-jireh today.

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I have lived out what Bonhoeffer warned: my faith in Christ turned to faith in the doctrine of Christ. A proposition, though vital, necessary, and true, has not love for me. It is only the living Christ that has love for me. Truth can only be loved rightly when that Truth is a person--the person of Christ. Relationship with mere propositions brings death: the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life: for He has come that we might have life, and that more abundantly. Christ is all! Restore me, O LORD, to a living, breathing, vibrant relationship to and with you, for thy name's sake! Great are you, LORD! And greatly to be praised! Amen!

some (quiet, smoking-flax and bruised reed, but hopeful) thoughts